Motorcyclists are pretty much clowns.

By fletch Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

Seriously.. what exactly are motorcyclists expecting? Supposedly it’s the unexpected, well not today.

The M4 starts off as a two lane motorway and at 7.20AM it’s usually busy. Thankfully I only have to use it for one junction so the 12mph crawl only takes a few minutes, in fact it’s the last real “obstacle” on my journey.

So this morning I’m on the M4 in the outside (of two) lanes and my exit is approaching, so I’m looking in the mirror and over my shoulder for a gap to appear that I can pull into. One appears, I indicate, look over my shoulder and make the move.

Somewhere I hear a car horn beeping, but it sounds quite far away and anyway I’m the gap and start indicating again to pull off. Next thing there’s some fucking clown on a motorbike abusing me through my window and I realise the beeping was this fucking stealth honda – that’s come from nowhere – and has some fucking maniac wobbling about on top of it, one hand on the bars and the other giving me the wanker sign.

Obviously he hasn’t come *from nowhere* he was in my blind spot when I moved and I nearly sent him flying. I appreciate that the adrenaline of the situation (nearly coming a cropper like all his worst nightmares just like everyone said would happen when “he got that bike”) has made him angry. He was probably even a bit scared but WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU EXPECT?!

It’s 7.30AM on a cold autumn morning, so it’s just about dawn, not the best time for visibilty. I suppose that’s why he’s riding a black bike, wearing a black power-ranger outfit and has a dark helmet on? For me not to have seen him, he’s either been hovering in my blind spot deciding if he can fit past or been filtering up in between the two lanes of traffic in which case been in **two sets** of different blind spots for about 50% of his journey!!!

What the fuck is filtering anyway? I’ve never really known whether it’s even legal to be nipping through the traffic on your bike, but manola, this morning.. I mean.. given that you’re not in a lane, you’ve just made your own up, you’re approaching the exit slip road of a motorway, it’s dawn and you’re dressed like a fucking SAS sniper in someones blind spot, don’t be fucking surprised if you’re hard to see!

It’s not inconceivable that someone might want to change lanes, from either side of you, at this point!

It’s the car driver who’ll look like a dick when you’re decked out with your limbs all wrong covered in bits of bike, you’ll get all the sympathy! I realise of course that there are dickhead motorcyclists as well as dickhead car drivers but all I’m trying to do is get to work without having a fight or killing one of you clowns so just fucking ride your bike with some brains you bollockses!!!!

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Hello! Fletch.cx has been going since 1999 in one form or another, yep incredible, when will it end? For more of my bullshit see last.fm, lluckj.com, facebook and if you really want a constant avalanche of musings, observations and lies then follow me on twitter..