fletch.cx » work

The Company I Work For

fletch — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 14:12:22 +0000

I think I need a new job. Here is Matt, hard at work supporting one of the worlds bigger financial institutions. Taking phonecalls whilst a polish waitress adds pepper to his pasta and about £25K worth of cisco supervisors and line cards sit on the table next to him in amongst the beer bottles and cutlery.

Hard fucking life eh!?

Investment bank IT is very demanding

Motorcyclists are pretty much clowns.

fletch — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 08:31:56 +0000

Seriously.. what exactly are motorcyclists expecting? Supposedly it’s the unexpected, well not today.

The M4 starts off as a two lane motorway and at 7.20AM it’s usually busy. Thankfully I only have to use it for one junction so the 12mph crawl only takes a few minutes, in fact it’s the last real “obstacle” on my journey.

So this morning I’m on the M4 in the outside (of two) lanes and my exit is approaching, so I’m looking in the mirror and over my shoulder for a gap to appear that I can pull into. One appears, I indicate, look over my shoulder and make the move.

Somewhere I hear a car horn beeping, but it sounds quite far away and anyway I’m the gap and start indicating again to pull off. Next thing there’s some fucking clown on a motorbike abusing me through my window and I realise the beeping was this fucking stealth honda – that’s come from nowhere – and has some fucking maniac wobbling about on top of it, one hand on the bars and the other giving me the wanker sign.

Obviously he hasn’t come *from nowhere* he was in my blind spot when I moved and I nearly sent him flying. I appreciate that the adrenaline of the situation (nearly coming a cropper like all his worst nightmares just like everyone said would happen when “he got that bike”) has made him angry. He was probably even a bit scared but WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU EXPECT?!

It’s 7.30AM on a cold autumn morning, so it’s just about dawn, not the best time for visibilty. I suppose that’s why he’s riding a black bike, wearing a black power-ranger outfit and has a dark helmet on? For me not to have seen him, he’s either been hovering in my blind spot deciding if he can fit past or been filtering up in between the two lanes of traffic in which case been in **two sets** of different blind spots for about 50% of his journey!!!

What the fuck is filtering anyway? I’ve never really known whether it’s even legal to be nipping through the traffic on your bike, but manola, this morning.. I mean.. given that you’re not in a lane, you’ve just made your own up, you’re approaching the exit slip road of a motorway, it’s dawn and you’re dressed like a fucking SAS sniper in someones blind spot, don’t be fucking surprised if you’re hard to see!

It’s not inconceivable that someone might want to change lanes, from either side of you, at this point!

It’s the car driver who’ll look like a dick when you’re decked out with your limbs all wrong covered in bits of bike, you’ll get all the sympathy! I realise of course that there are dickhead motorcyclists as well as dickhead car drivers but all I’m trying to do is get to work without having a fight or killing one of you clowns so just fucking ride your bike with some brains you bollockses!!!!

Skinny Fat Bastard!

fletch — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 09:13:32 +0000

After another weekend of excess during which my own mum pretty much called me a fat-bastard I decided to make a few changes, beginning with getting up early being a bit smarter for work. The plan was to arrive at my desk un-rushed and fully breakfasted – ready for the day ahead and looking forward to the gym in the evening.

So after breakfasting, having a shower and even a shave I went to put my only clean suit on and it didn’t even fit. I mean it properly didn’t go on, couldn’t even fasten the trousers.

What a fat twat.

I’ll keep you updated!

Live AIDS.

fletch — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 15:24:30 +0000

We’ve made a company song (complete with accompanying live-aid style video) that will be released at our AGM this year. It’s a piss take of the trend that seemed to happen in the late 70′s where multinationals used to have company songs made that were usually very dire indeed and often came back to haunt.

Well, the full thing will be out at the AGM and perhaps I’ll post that when it’s out but for now, check out the teaser above :) I appreciate it’s not that funny if you don’t know the people involved.. but what the hell :-)

EDIT: The video has been removed by the owner at the request of some of the people in it.