Customer Success!

We have created a monster and need to stop playing this game.

Let me share with you my experience of signing up for the flagship Sky TV product, Sky Stream. It’s Sky, but over IP without the dish.

I selected my packages on the website; “Sky Stream” “Sports” for the F1 and then even opting for a ludicrous “UHD” upgrade to receive a higher quality stream that surely in 2024 should be a given.

I create an account as a first time subscriber, fill in my address, pay for the service and then receive four emails.

The first explained how excited I should be to receive my streaming box and how to watch Sky straight away before it arrives. The next three confirmed that my subscription had ended and told me quite sternly to return my streaming box or face a penalty charge. What on earth?

I download some apps anyway as the first email had prompted, and I log in. They fail to stream any services. I’m told that Sky Go is offline and given an error code.

I go to the website to try to find support and here in all its glory, is Skys Virtual Assistant. I mean just look this.

I ditched this line of enquiry, found a support number and phoned them up.

My advisor was here to help me today. I had expected that. Thanks so much for getting in touch. It was great to hear from me. My needs would be met. He was called Adam and he was in Hull. Could he call me by my name? Yes Adam, you can. It’s my name. This is obviously a safe space.

I had to grit my teeth. I realised I had become involved in one of those very modern conversations you only get in situations like this. A fake politeness and a bewilderingly strong belief in a plight I hadn’t even explained to them yet.

It is all so fake and it’s the opposite of customer service.

When someone you’ve never met talks to you like this, it is utterly impersonal. It’s worse than someone being rude or in this case being left with the entirely useless Sky Virtual Assistant, whom I was now wishing I had never left.

These conversations are a social trap. If they were awful to you or rude, you could call them out on it but because their process is covered with a veneer of faux dedication and care, it’s really hard to break out of.

Adam looked on the account.

“Oh.. yeah.. I see. There has been a fraudulent warning on the account”

Fraud?! What fraudulent thing has happened?

“It’s a trigger and the order has been cancelled. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Hold on, what? So that’s it?

“Yes”

What (chuckling). Really?

“Thank you for calling Sky”

Oh, erm, bye then.

It was like something from Black Mirror or The Day Today. The computer said something was wrong and.. that was just it. No way out of the system for Adam and no Formula 1 for me.

Maybe the Virtual Assistant really is running the show. Jaysus help us all.

When things go wrong we need human beings, they’re the best computers on the planet. Can we all just be careful to keep that please because I fear we’re throwing away our advantage.